My due date keep shifting...sometimes its 1st week of august and sometimes its last week of july..so which one is it?? hmmm...My shoulder and neck is giving me a hell lot of problems lately...its like the ligament or ligaments are so loose that it keeps shifting and it kinda 'sprains' all by itself...i can lie down or sit down doing nth and i can feel the ligament got out of place and it will start to hurt when i try to turn my head and stuff...its stiff and painful..anyway...its less den 30 days till Michaela's here no matter what my due date is. 1 week doens't make any difference altho 3 more weeks seems like eternity.
Well, let me talk about fears I have.
1st fear is that I won't be able to withstand the pain of childbirth without the epidural. BUT I will pull thru with the gas and thigh jab. I just DUN WANT the epidural.
2nd fear is that I would not be able to breastfeed bcos of low milk supply...or Michaela would hate my breastmilk and would refuse to latch on. I would feel 'unwanted' by her. *cross my fingers*
3rd fear, DROPPING HER. OMG...i am sooo afraid that I would drop her or snap her neck...since her neck is not gonna be hard for a few months...esp when bathing..she'll be soo slippery..oh well...I'll just have to be more careful.
well that's all for now...not really a lot of fear....lolz...oh not forgetting the PR part...I have to apply PR for her...and its A LOT OF WORK. Well we'll just see. Have to keep praying and appealing if Singapore don't grant her PR, which I don't see why not cause I am studying my diploma here. I have a valid reason to be here. PRAY FOR ME AND HER PEEPS! Not really a huge issue tho...cos at most I would just have to go to the malaysia custom to chop stamp every 2 weeks..TILL they grant her the PR. I don't even decide to leave sg already.
Overall plan for the next 1 year.
After baby is born I would stay home and look after her and at the same time do my piano diploma till ltcl which is equivalent to a UNI cert. Well I'm doing my atcl also. So i have till end of the year to brush up all my old songs from atcl. After that I would go on to LTCL by next year. It won't be easy, but FOR MY FUTURE AND MY BABY'S I WOULD DO ALL IT TAKES! And after I get my ATCL cert, I would find a music related job which would be very very easy, trust me. with a atcl in sg...90% of music schools will accept you and pay would be not bad, plus I can take in private students also. There would be a basic pay and $300 will go to a nanny to take care of baby while I'm working. And this would be the plan till we move to condo where I will be reunited with my family! Looking forward to that. But before that, I would need to tidy up my life a little. Survive on my own, get back my normal life. Not the 'old' life i had. No more going out becos I would be SOO busy with baby and piano and violin. Its gonna be a tough 1 year. Do not dare to look at more den a year. I would take it 1 year at a time.
1st goal by this year:
GET MY ATCL AND BRING UP MY DAUGHTER WELL.
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